


a little liquid courage never hurt

by iamvalthepal



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bonding, DameRey, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, I AM SO ALIVE FOR THIS SHIP, JediPilot, finn (mentioned) - Freeform, started as fluff TURNED INTO ANGST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-17 06:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5858092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamvalthepal/pseuds/iamvalthepal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the events of The Force Awakens, Rey finds herself focusing on her Jedi training and isolating herself from the others on the base-especially with Finn in a coma. In an effort to integrate herself with those around her, she befriends none other than Commander Poe Dameron. </p><p>***</p><p>A story about the pilot and the scavenger, who share the monsters in their heads and explore the forces that bind them together, told in a series of moments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. vodka.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so I hope it isn't too atrocious! I'm absolutely in love with Damerey and I whipped this up in a couple of hours. Hope you enjoy~

Even during a galactic war, people always find a way to live as normally as possible. It's the natural order of things. They laugh and smile, banter over meals in the mess hall, do whatever it takes to push forward. Frankly, it's the little things that help everyone hold onto hope despite the crushing reality of the war.

Unfortunately, Rey doesn't have that luxury considering she spends every waking moment training to be a proper Jedi. She could probably find an hour or so to spare to bond with the rest of the Resistance, but it's easier to be aloof and pretend she's preoccupied with her training with Master Luke rather than put herself out there amongst strangers to make friends. Maybe if Finn were awake, him being her only real friend - not to mention her first - iRey could muster up the courage to meet the people around her. But Finn _isn't_ awake and she isn't feeling very courageous today.

* * *

The first thing she hears is a squeal reminiscent of that of R2D2's when it's in a panicked fluster. Rey slaps the snooze button on her alarm whilst cracking one eye open to check the time only to realize there was light pouring through the grimy glass of her window.

 _I was supposed to meet Master Luke for meditation by sunrise!_ Rey groans while haphazardly throwing on whatever she manages to find on the floor of her quarters and scurries down the hallways of the Resistance base, out to the forest to find Master Luke.

The dew sits undisturbed on the leaves and even after two months of seeing this phenomenon every morning, Rey still finds herself in awe of the gleam of the rising sun reflecting off the droplets of water. Jakku never showed her mercy, its constant arid heat bearing down on Rey. She never understood the meaning of refreshed until she came here.

She feels, rather than sees, Master Luke getting up from their meditation spot by the pond at the edge of the forest and steels herself for her well-deserved admonition.

"Don't be so nervous, I was waiting for you to slip up eventually Rey." Luke confesses. He seems to be in particularly good spirits this morning, or maybe it's her imagination.

"I'm sorry, Master Luke" Rey apologizes, "I don't really have an excuse, but it won't happen again."

"You needn't worry. Honestly, I'm surprised this hasn't happened already," he reveals. "You never failed to show up from day one, despite the early hour, and I have to admit I'm more worried that you _haven't_ been late before."

"I must be missing something - did you want me to mess up?" Rey tries to push down the anxiety of failing her master. Being the only Jedi-in-Training comes with its pressures, but the reality is Rey spends day and night training so that there won't be a reason to worry about failure.

"No, no Rey! I just mean, you don't spend any of your extra time with your peers. Of course I admire your focus and dedication to becoming a suitable Jedi, but isolating yourself will open up pathways to the dark side. There is a balance to be met."

"Well, I'm going to be honest. That is not at all what I expected you to say." Rey reveals.

"I'll tell you what. Tonight, just relax and spend some time with some of the others around the base. It'll be good for you. Don't think I haven't noticed that your dedication to becoming a Jedi is your way to avoid any social obligation."

Luke gives her a pointed look before continuing back towards the base. Rey stares at him before letting the reality wash over her. She thinks this is probably the worst assignment he's given her, including making her use the force to count how many spiders there were in that damn tree across the pond.

* * *

Walking back to her quarters, Rey tries to discern how to go about this whole situation. She didn't grow up making friends and now it is a legitimate order she has to follow. 

_I suppose I could just spend time in Finn's room and tell Master Luke that's how I 'relaxed'._

The truth is, she knows she just has to bite the bullet and embolden herself to pluck up the courage to put herself out there.

"I've fended off Rathtars and fought Kylo Ren. This is no big deal. It's not," she says to convince herself more than anything. In her flustered state, she bumps into Commander Poe Dameron, star pilot of the Resistance. She recognizes him from her visits to Finn in his private room in the med bay. They probably haven't exchanged more than a handful of words, but she can see that he cares a lot about Finn.

"Whoa there, in a hurry?" He smiles an unnaturally charming grin as he grabs her shoulders to steady her.

"Sorry, I guess I'm not really in my right mind at the moment." Rey stills as he drops his hands from her shoulders, brushing them ever so slightly along her arms. "You're Commander Dameron right?" Rey questions.

"Uh, yeah, but you can just call me Poe. All those formalities make me feel old. You good?" His dark eyes implore hers for an honest answer and he emanates a gentleness she hasn't felt since meeting Finn.

She hesitates to answer and he notes that something is weighing heavily on her mind. If he is friends with Finn, then surely she and Poe could get along. At this point, she doesn't really know where to start with this pseudo-assignment from Master Luke. Rey emboldens herself for the inevitable question already slipping from her lips.

"Okay," Rey starts, "would you do me a favor?" Poe nods in encouragement to urge her to continue. He can tell she's nervous and she appears to have good intentions. The pilot can't say he knows much about her personally, but she's clearly a decent person - and that's an understatement - and he always spots her in the corner of Finn's room talking to him when no one else is there.

"If you're not doing anything tonight, would you want to grab a drink with me tonight? I'm short on friends here, and I could really use some liquid courage." She speaks her request no slower than a TIE-fighter and her fingers are fidgeting with the hem of her tunic. He can see her apprehension in her chestnut eyes and quickly realizes that she's probably never had to do this back in Jakku as a scavenger. It doesn't even take him a second to accept.

"I'd be glad to be in your company tonight," Poe says while jokingly bowing, "and since you say you're short on friends, I'll invite Jessika and we'll all have a good time. Sound good?" Poe sees relief dance across her features and chuckles when she releases the breath she's been holding. The offer is more than she hoped for and although she felt doubtful earlier, a sense of excitement fills her chest.

"Yes, thank you so much! You're a life-saver."

"Well don't thank me yet, Jessika is probably gonna want to drink you under the table for your first night out." What appeared to be mirth moves across her eyes before she composes herself and begins to walk off.

"Eleven o'clock - I'll meet you at the canteen behind the hangar!" He exclaims as she smiles and turns the corner of the hallway.

* * *

It turns out Rey is no lightweight.

"Two swigs of this foul liquor off Yavin 4 should have you spinning! What are you made of?!" Jessika yelled. Rey likes Jessika Pava more than she expects to. Jessika may be petite, but her personality extends far beyond her small stature.

"If we're being honest, I didn't drink that much back home," Rey admits, taking another sip of the bitter, amber liquid. It burns down her throat and spreads in waves throughout her chest. But despite how much she drinks, she hasn't felt more than a slight light-headedness. The euphoria is a welcome escape from the heavy stress she has been living under.

"You can't be serious? What, no hard liquor on Jakku?" Poe playfully adds.

"Well there's barely any water and I can't say I went out of my way to scour for these types of drinks." Rey chuckles. It's nice to talk about it and not have everyone look at her like she was some poor orphan abandoned in the desert. It is what it is and she's not there anymore. "I will say that I've always had quite the tolerance, though."

Both Jessika and Poe look at her with confusion etched onto their faces. 

"The few times I have drunk, it was to see who could outdrink the other. We gambled portions. I only did it if I hadn't scavenged anything good enough to get me enough sustenance," Rey explains.

They've been drinking at the canteen for well over 3 hours and what began as regret slowly morphed into, well, _fun._

Jessika, in her drunken stupor, constantly switches between singing horribly off-tune to melodies Rey doesn't know and reenacting insane pilot stories - most of which include Poe - with hand motions and childish sound effects. Drunken Poe, she learns, is a wicked storyteller. He always starts off slow with the most minute of details thrown in and takes you through a wild adventure, which has no doubt been exaggerated by the alcohol in his system.

Suddenly, Rey feels gravity fall off her shoulders and she knows this is what's been missing. The friendly camaraderie and lighthearted aura let her breathe again. It just feels _better._

"As much as I would _love_ to stay and chat, it's late and your favorite pilot, me, has an early morning simulation. So, I bid you guys good night," Jessika says as she mock salutes them in farewell.

"Yeah, I guess I better do the same since Master Luke hasn't relented on the early morning meditations despite his kind gesture toda-" Rey stops, observing that Poe isn't even awake to hear her. He sits on his bar stool slowly sliding off with his whole upper body slumped over the bar, mouth agape.

"Alright Poe, let's go. C'mon," she says while hooking her arm around his waist and hoisting his arm over her shoulder to walk him back to his quarters.

* * *

Upon arriving at his door, Poe manages to punch in his security code to unlock the door and drags Rey in along with him.

His room is much larger, she notes, and surprisingly tidy. Rey, by comparison, is messy enough where she can barely see the floor under all the clutter. She supposes there was never a need in her small AT-AT on Jakku to be overly neat. Her quarters weren't overly cramped by any measure, but she certainly didn't have the space to walk around freely. There are a lot of differences the more she looks. He has a large double bed, a less dingy window, and a personal 'fresher which must be a dream in comparison to the communal 'freshers on her side of the barracks.

Aside from the obvious differences, she also notices they have some similarities. He has small mechanical projects littered all over his desk accompanied with grease stains on his sketches of what appear to be x-wing blueprints. Although he's ridiculously neat, his bed remains unkempt much like hers.

During her observation of his living space, she stops paying attention to Poe who was chugging a glass of water. Realizing her intrusion, Rey quickly gathers herself and makes to exit.

"Oh, I'll get out of your way." Before Rey can leave his room, he gently grasps her wrist.

"Hey, stay for a while. Don't worry, I'm sobering up and I just thought we could chat for a little bit is all," Poe states.

"I should get going, it really is late you know."

In this light, Poe looks more somber than usual. Even before tonight, Rey pegged him as the charming, laid-back type. He always put a smile on his face, encouraging everyone to be his or her best. But here, in the moonlight, Rey can sense his vulnerability. The bruises under his eyes seem darker and deeper than before, and his back is hunched over as he rests his elbows on his thighs. He looks…broken. She doesn't intend to, but she peers inside his mind and watches his memories flash by, lingering on a particularly painful one.

"Do you know what it's like to have someone invade your mind?" Poe whispers and Rey reels back out of his thoughts.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Not you, I let you in. I needed you to see it, because I know you went through it, too. This may sound horrible, but I'm grateful you went through it."

Rey flinches in shock at his confession, but she can tell his words have no malice. His eyes lock onto hers and he continues, "I'm glad you suffered through this because it means there is someone else who gets it. I don't want to think of you in pain, especially if it's anything like what I went through, but I am haunted by the torture and what I said so _he_ would relent."

His admission is brutally raw, but honest, and through it she can feel a bond forming between them. Rey places herself beside him on the edge of his bed and carefully grasps his trembling hands.

"I came out tonight with you guys because I was ordered to by Master Luke as a way of _'connecting with my peers'_." Poe stares at her and urges her to continue. "With Finn in a coma, I don't really have anyone other than Master Luke and General Organa here. And they're great, but I only know them as my superiors. I can't go out and grab a drink with them, or talk with them like this. So consider me thankful, too. I'm thankful that I made actual friends, if I can call you guys that." Rey tells him all this whilst staring at the wall in front of her, afraid to face him.

"Yeah, I'd like to say we're friends." Poe reassures her. "But I'm going to be completely frank with you—I said I was sobering up and I think we both know I'm still terribly drunk," Poe admits with nervous laughter.

"Oh, I knew it," she scoffs, "go to sleep!" Rey shoves him playfully as he chuckles.

"I'll take the floor—I'm not gonna make you walk all the way to the other side of the base to catch some shut-eye." Poe climbs, or rather stumbles, off the mattress and throws some extra blankets onto the floor.

With slight apprehension, Rey acquiesces and climbs under the covers whispering a measly, " _good night, Poe_ " while facing away from him so she can hide the slight smile ghosting over her features.

Rey picks up a soft " _good night, Rey_ " just before drifting into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

Rey wakes up to rays of light settling on her face and she knows that she's missed her morning meditation with Master Luke. But upon seeing Poe desperately trying to block out the sunlight that is bothering him because of his " _killer hangover_ ," Rey succumbs to another whim and decides to play hooky just this once. Poe begs her to help him and she's howling in laughter - to which he complains is only exacerbating his headache. She looks at him in all his hangover morning glory and Poe gazes back with a pained grimace. It dawns on both of them, that this is just the beginning.

_The beginning of something great._


	2. rum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because you guys are the best and I'm in too deep, I've made this a multi-chap. Enjoy!

“You don’t actually expect me to wake up extra early on my day off do you?” Rey questions.

“Don’t look so surprised, I’m offering to take you to see the most heart-wrenchingly beautiful sunrise you’ll ever see.” Poe has been trying to convince Rey to join him at the crack of dawn for the past half-hour to view the ‘greatest sunrise in the galaxy’ 

Rey feigns offense and tries her best to look legitimately appalled.

“I hardly believe the sunrise you show me will be any different from what I see everyday during training,” Rey argues. “I wake up _every_ morning at an obscenely early hour to train with Luke and he’s finally giving me another day to myself since he’s going off-world for some meeting. _Please_ let me have this, Poe.” Rey begs with her hazel eyes boring into his and Poe knows exactly what she’s doing. Poe waits a couple of beats and leads Rey to believe he’ll succumb to her pleading eyes.

“No, don’t think I’m falling for your puppy-dog eyes again. You’re coming with me even if I have to drag you kicking and screaming.” Rey looks at Poe’s grinning face with disbelief and scoffs at his determination.

“You’re unbelievable.” Rey tries to put on an angry face, but she can’t stay mad at him for long. Not five seconds go by before she surrenders and a smile pushes through her mock anger. 

“Ah, there’s my girl.” Rey’s heart skips a beat when he says _my,_ but she quickly buries that dangerous sentiment. He puts an arm around her shoulders and walks with her to the canteen. Over the past month, they had made that one night a weekly tradition between Jessika and themselves. Rey claims it’s so she can ‘maintain balance within herself’ but they all know it’s just an excuse to get drink.

* * *

With no actual responsibilities in the morning, Rey lets herself get decently drunk. It takes quite a few drinks for her, but soon the blood rushes up her neck, and she’s giddy with the alcohol in her blood.

It’s a particularly clear night and maybe it’s the liquor, but the stars seem higher than usual. Rey stands, albeit a little unsteadily, and strides out from under the awning of the outdoor bar to gaze at the navy sky. The haze of the spirits takes over her and Jessika grabs at the opportunity to interrogate Poe. She scoots herself to the seat Rey was just occupying and jabs at Poe’s shoulder.

“So I hear you’re taking Rey on your X-Wing to see the sunrise tomorrow.” Jessika gives him a knowing look but Poe tries to brush her off. 

“I know what you’re thinking and I assure you, you’re wrong.” Poe coolly replies.

“Last time you went up, that girl was walking funny for _days_.” Jessika wiggles her eyebrows while Rey is blissfully unaware of the conversation taking place. Poe is obviously miffed by her implication. Setting down his beer, he straightens his back and narrows his eyes.

 “I know what you’re implying, but this is just two friends enjoying a nice sight. Don’t freak Rey out by telling her otherwise.”

 Poe is aware of his growing affection for Rey, but he internalizes it for the sake of her Jedi training. Although he doesn’t want to put her in a compromising situation, he also knows that when she laughs, the sun seems brighter. He knows that when she cries, the nights feel darker. He knows that when she holds him after a nightmare, he finds the peace he lost to Kylo Ren’s torture. He doesn’t want to be selfish with her, so he shoves his infatuation down as far as he can whenever he feels it crawling under his skin.

Jessika sees he’s having an inner battle over this so she accepts his denial. She’ll abstain from prodding him any further – at least for tonight, anyway. 

“Alright, alright.” She throws both her hands up in defense and chuckles at his quick temper. It’s clear he’s at least attracted to her but she’ll pretend he hasn’t entertained the idea for his sake.

Poe realizes his sharp tone was unnecessary, but Rey rejoins them before he can apologize. He glances at Jessika and she seems to acknowledge his apology with a smirk.

They find out that Rey is one of those drunks who never seems to stop beaming. Her smile is wide and slightly unhinged, adding to her charm. Her façade is usually relatively stoic and serious. Maybe it’s the Jedi training or maybe it’s her past, but she always seems to keep herself at arms length from everyone. It’s nice for everyone to see Rey let go a little. 

She sways slightly, but it seems to be an intentional sway to music playing in the back of her mind rather than from her inebriation.

“Let’s call it a night.” Poe states as he grabs the sides of Rey’s upper arms to halt her swaying. “I think she needs to hit the sack.”

* * *

They all head their separate ways; however, Rey just takes a series of roundabout hallways to get back to Poe’s room. 

Since that first night, Rey just stays at Poe’s room after a bout of alcohol. It isn’t proper so they both just ignore that conversation and go with it. They agree it’s because it makes the hangovers easier, but they both know it’s just the excuse they’ve settled on. 

The truth is the drinks make the nightmares more intense for both of them and they find comfort in knowing the other is just an arms distance away. Evidently they should just stop giving into the booze. The catch is they know they couldn’t justify these nights in close quarters, so they just let the monsters invade their dreams.

Rey has an affinity for his oversized black shirt. He keeps it under his bed along with a pair of his white socks that reach up mid-calf on her. The tee swallows her and her legs look like matchsticks when she dons it for sleep. Poe has to deliberately ignore her sun-kissed legs until she’s under the covers. He’s far too aware that he’s only a man and calling her beautiful would be an understatement. 

Rey is laying on her side facing the wall when she hears his tremors. She sits up to see he’s violently thrashing in his sleep. She hops off his bed and rushes over to his side. Careful not to startle him, she starts with small ministrations on his upper back but he flinches. 

He never had one this bad before.

She starts again by pushing his curls away from his forehead and wipes the sweat from his brow. Poe’s eyes snap open and he clutches her neck while slipping them both over. He’s looming over her and pinning her between his thighs. Rey is desperately gasping for air and Poe is still living inside his own head. 

Rey manages to scratch out his name from her throat under the immense pressure on her windpipe whilst pawing at his face to push him off of her. Recognition flashes over his features and he hastily retreats from her form.

She’s panting and heaving her chest while simultaneously rubbing her already bruising throat. Poe is horrified at having done this to her and he won’t stop breathing, “I’m sorry.” 

She knows it isn’t his fault, but when he steps toward her she can’t help but flinch. Poe is clearly hurt and yet she feels understanding roll off him in waves. Before he can retreat to leave her alone she rushes up to embrace him. She’s all hands, clutching at his sweat-ridden shirt, pressing her face into the space where his neck meets his shoulder. Rey exudes serenity through both of them through the force and she gradually senses his arms hug her sleight frame. 

“I’m sorry,” Poe repeats, “I can’t even begin to express how sorry I am.”

Rey pulls back to press their foreheads together. Her eyes look like they’re smiling when they lock onto his. Her eyelashes flutter against his face like feather kisses upon his cheek.

“Believe me, I can feel what you’re feeling.” Rey responds. She lets her arms trail down past his arms and clasps her callous hands over his wrists. Slowly, Rey pulls them both toward the bed and she lays herself against him under the sheets. 

“Is this okay?” Poe whispers.

 “Shh, we’ll deal with it in the morning.”

* * *

They don’t go back to sleep. It seems pointless considering they were going to head up in an hour or so for the sunrise.

Poe wakes from the quasi-sleep state first and gently rouses Rey seconds later. He grants her with a tight-lipped smile but it quickly falls off his face when he can see purple remnants from the events of the night coiling around her neck.

Before Rey can say anything, which turns out to be pretty difficult since her windpipe was practically crushed just hours ago, Poe tosses her a high-collared sweater and gestures her to put it on.

They make their way to the hangar in silence, unable to approach the uncomfortable topic. Rey assumed they were just going to sit on some high area like a roof and watch the sun come up from there. When Poe guides her into his X-Wing, which is terribly cramped for the two people, she pays him a questioning glance.

It’s the first time this morning he manages to crack a smile, a mischievous one at that.

They take off when it’s still dark out and twilight is blanketing the sky. The stars start to fade as the sky becomes a gorgeous gradient of navy to periwinkle. The starfighter is hovering at low speed when the sun finally peaks through the horizon.

The light is blinding and mildly painful, but it is more beautiful than anything she could have imagined. The hot star bleeds red across the expanse of the sky while orange rays spill over the clouds. The morning fog glows amber and Rey swears she has never felt so warm.

Despite seeing this phenomenon enough times that he should be numb to it, it still manages to feel like the first time he saw it. Perhaps the greatest view, though, is Rey closing her eyes and tilting her head back to allow the light wash over her.

“It was worth it.” Rey suddenly speaks, “Getting up early today to see this with you was worth it.”

He is visibly relieved for more reasons than one, but he can’t help smirking under her gaze.

“I’m not one to say I told you so, but…” Poe teases, earning a slap in the bicep. 

“Just shut up and fly.” Rey chuckles during their descent back to reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this chapter had very similar formatting as the first chapter, but I'm hoping to change it up in future chapters. I'm such trash for damerey lmao 
> 
> -Val


	3. gin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i'm just hitting all the fanfic tropes with this one sorry not sorry 
> 
> -Val

It may have started as nights in Poe’s room because they were both drunk and Rey’s room was “ _all the way across the base_ ,” as he put it, but it had quickly evolved into staying in his room every night because they wanted to. They figured that with Rey’s early mornings and late nights, it would be easy to avoid curious eyes.

It was foolish of them to think no one would see or say anything.

* * *

It starts as a glance her way when she is walking around the base. Of course, Rey assumes they are mostly just acknowledging her or letting their eyes rest on anything moving their way. 

Then it’s longer looks and hushed murmurs at the tables in the mess hall. Again, it’s nothing out of ordinary considering she is not only a strange scavenger from Jakku, but also the first Jedi in ages. People have always had cause to gossip and it hasn’t bothered her before.

One morning, during training, however, Master Luke acts particularly odd. 

He speaks in short sentences and his commands have a more clipped edge than they usually do. Rey can sense he isn’t angry with her, but his body language displays more focus and tension. Master Luke has been her teacher for a while now, but now he’s fitting more comfortably into the role the “ _rigid Jedi mentors_ ” Poe has been telling her about.

They have been working on combat forms and lightsaber techniques for the past few weeks, but nothing has reached this degree of difficulty before.

Sweat glistens across her forehead and has completely drenched the back of her training robes. A dull ache is building in her shoulders through her arms from incorporating her quarterstaff into the Jedi methods. It feels like her muscles have been reduced to cement sludge under her skin, refusing to yield to her commands.

Master Luke means to help her build a dual-bladed lightsaber since it translates best into her muscle memory of her beloved quarterstaff. But for now, they are sticking to her scavenged staff so she doesn’t lose a limb prematurely.

Old age has done nothing to weaken Luke, if anything he is more ruthless and adept than when he was younger. Rey is exercising all her efforts just to avoid getting beaten to a pulp by him. He finally manages to sweep her ankles and drop her ungracefully on the plush forest floor. The wind is knocked right out of her chest and she decides it is in her best interest to stay on the ground before rushing back to get whooped by her master.

“I know I haven’t said this yet, but can we take it a little easier?” Rey coughs out.

Luke’s wooden blade is trained on her carotid; his eyes are narrowed and she observes an amused glint in his eye. He gingerly removes the weapon from her throat and offers her a sly smirk.

“Forgive me for being bold, but is there something you have to say?” Rey inquires.

He just keeps looking at her with a level of hilarity in his expression before he chuckles and shakes his head with mirth. He is walking around with a thoughtful disposition with a hand stroking his jaw. She props herself up on her elbows before pushing herself into a sitting positions to feign some sort of propriety rather than lay sprawled out for any woodland creature to attack. Luke, done collecting his wits, turns around and sits before her with obvious exasperation decorating his figure.

“I know I shouldn’t.” Luke starts and she motions to urge him on.

“You see, I’m supposed to be your mentor, a life-guide if you will. The Jedi in me says that I shouldn’t make brazen assumptions about your love life.” Luke continues. Rey eyebrows visibly rise at that and suddenly confusion sets in.

“Love life? I’m not sure what you mea-,”

“Humor me, Rey. I may be old, but I know a thing or two about romance.” Luke interrupts, “I know all about you and Poe and under normal circumstances I’d advise you to stay the Jedi path and remain celibate.” Rey is mortified. This isn’t the conversation she expected and this is the conversation they’re going to have.

“Master, I’m don’t think we’re on the same page.” Any sort of eye contact at this point feels inappropriate, even if that is irrational. “Really, I think you are mistaken. There is nothing going on between me and Poe.” Rey blurts out as fast as she can.

“Whatever you say, Rey. I’m no stranger to love.”

This is not what she had in mind when she asked him if there was something he had to say. Regret is a glaring understatement to describe how embarrassed she is.

“No, honestly I have no idea where you got that idea. We’re friends! If I remember correctly, you told me to make some of those.”

“There’s no need to sass me. Don’t forget the General is my sister—nothing goes unseen with her. She lives down the hall from Poe, you know.” 

Realization finds her countenance, and Rey quickly defends, “No, no, no, you misunderstand. It’s platonic, just a friend staying with a friend. We have similar experiences and it’s nice to talk is all.”

“Just know that I want what’s best for you. The Jedi order was arrogant and flawed back in my father’s day. They discouraged notions of attachment, passion was their worst enemy, and for good reason. It can compromise clear thought and lead you to question what is good for you or the galaxy. But, as you know, it didn’t work out. I believe that the will of the force is balance. This time around, I want that to be the core of Jedi training. _Balance._ ” Luke explains.

“So long as you seek harmony in your existence, I will support you _and_ continue your Jedi training. I guess you could say, I’m attempting to rectify the traditional Jedi code in order to prevent the sins of our past.” Rey notes that he appears relieved, happy even.

“Okay, I think I understand.”

“So you and Poe?” Luke prods.

She scoffs in complete disbelief before acquiescing to his inquiry.

“I’m not going to act like he isn’t attractive,” she admits, “the first time we met it was practically the first thing I noticed. But no, there is nothing there of that…sentiment.” Rey’s cheeks flush and she shoots up and dusts off her clothes preparing to make a hasty retreat.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Rey!” Luke yells as she dashes back to the barracks.

He has seen it with Han and Leia and now he sees it with Rey and Poe.

_It’s only a matter of time._

* * *

It feels like an itch she can’t scratch.

Now that Luke has opened Pandora’s box, Rey can’t push the thought out of her mind. She tries meditation; after all, it is the “Jedi way.” It takes about 5 minutes alone with her thoughts to make Rey want bash her head in.

She thinks, _maybe I should go for a flight._

It’s stupid, ridiculous really, because all she can think of in this X-Wing is how she and Poe share piloting and then the memory of that blasted sunrise crawls its way into her mind.

Back down to the base it is.

A shower also seems like a decent idea, just to loosen her up considering her strenuous work out this morning. But then the hot water pounding against her back makes her a little _too loose_ and suddenly she recalls when his calloused hands had accidently found its way to her thighs when they fell asleep last week.

Cold water has never been this useful before.

She accepts that, at least for today, she can’t do anything about the conflicting emotions boiling inside her.

* * *

Dinner is a social affair forged by routine.

Everyone is typically finished with the work of the day and nothing is better than a warm meal among friends. They chat about training and intel and the progress they’ve made that day over stew—it’s the easiest to serve to a base full of hungry Resistance fighters. Rey has found that it is one of her favorite times of the day, but not tonight.

Now that she is painfully aware of why she has been receiving odd stares all week, she isn’t in the mood for chit-chat. Rey also knows she always sits with Poe, but with all the new information making her dizzy, she wants to be as far from his as possible. It would be awkward to walk in and just avoid him in the mess hall, so she concedes to avoid him altogether instead. A meal in her room will do just fine.

Unfortunately, she can only evade him for so long.

She skips sleeping in his room that night on account of her flourishing feelings and unclear resolve. If he is bothered by it, he doesn’t say anything. Poe didn’t see her at dinner and so when she doesn’t show up at his door later that night, he presumes she must be busy. The second night she’s missing, he chalks it up to fatigue.

Rey doesn’t show up to drinks with him and Jessika, though, and now he’s worried.

Three months of not going a day, or night, without seeing each other and suddenly three days of nothing gives him withdrawal. He likens himself with an insecure child unable to handle being on his own for the first time. It is absurd. In her short absence, the days drag on and the nights feed him loneliness. The bed is colder without her, and so is he.

He quickly becomes irritated and short-tempered with his flight crew. It’s not intentional, of course, but it is problematic nonetheless.

The very few times he managed to seek her out and grab her attention, she maintains the conversation for no longer than a minute and scurries off on some miscellaneous errand. Her eyes avert from his, anxiously moving side to side, and her smiles lack the vigor he is so fond of. He can tell she is antsy and uncomfortable in his presence, which only further fuels his frustration. Poe has wracked his mind searching for why she is dodging him at every opportunity, but he always comes up more confused than when he began.

Jessika stumbles upon him, lost in thought and zoning out as he has been in these recent days. She ignores his brooding attitude since she is far too straightforward to care about tact.

“Poe, about the simulation tomorrow, is it possible to modify the route? We’ve been running the same drills for over a week now and I really think we should switch things up a bit.” Jessika inquires.

He doesn’t dignify her with a response, something he has been doing for days now.

“Poe, did you hear me? Poe? Poe!”

“ _What?!_ ” Poe snaps.

“Ok, no need to bite my head off! What is your problem? You’ve been touchy and on-edge all week and believe me none of us needs it. It’s agitating, alright?”

Poe drags his hands over his face, resting them on his mouth in clear distress.

“Have you talked to Rey?” He questions.

“Rey? No I haven’t talked to Rey. Why, haven’t you?”

His mouth sets in a hard line, signaling to Jessika exactly what the issue at hand is.

“Ah, I see. This is about _Rey._ Listen, we all know the deal. Girl likes boy, boy likes girl. Boy and girl do some questionably naughty things. Done and done.” Jessika simpers to Poe’s chagrin.

“No, I don’t think that’s the issue here.” Poe retorts. “I know she’s avoiding me. Do I know _why_ she’s doing so? No, evidently not. I’m killing myself trying to decode her mind here. But I can’t read her mind like she can mine.”

“This feels so, elementary. Just corner her or something. She can’t elude you forever, just be patient.” Jessika states matter-of-factly. “Also, I was dead serious. Please change the simulation paths, I can do them in my sleep now.”

Poe’s eyes soften and he offers her a tight nod in gratitude before stalking off to find Rey.

* * *

He searches for hours, eventually skipping dinner and remaining unsuccessful in catching her. Poe concludes she is probably training in some obscure cave, as she likes to do, and temporarily halts his endeavor to interrogate her. It might just be his justification to give up, though.

Lying in bed, Poe dwells on his memories of the nights they have spent in this room. Sometimes they don’t say anything at all. She would lightly knock on his door and he would let her in just to spend the night together.

On occasion, more frequently than he would like, they comfort each other in the aftermaths of a nightmare. Some are more brutal than others, like when he nearly choked Rey to death. She wore his collared sweater for two weeks to conceal the hideous bruises. He was hated that the purple ghosts of his fingers were marred onto her throat as a grim reminder of his mistake. They aren’t there anymore, but sometimes he swears he can still see them, haunting him.

The best nights are the ones spent exchanging stories. She was reluctant at first, claiming “ _there is nothing worth while I can tell you about my life in Jakku”_ in whispered anguish.

So he would begin instead. He started with legends about his parents in the Rebel Alliance. He told her embarrassing stories from his youth. Gradually, he cracked her walls until they crumbled down. She gave him small truths at first: things like how she got her staff and where she lived on Jakku. Rey unfolded more and more, eventually evolving into somewhat of an open book with him.

And now, he rests alone in this stiff bed longing for any sort of interaction with her again.

With a resurgence of determination, he throws on his jacket and makes his way to Rey’s quarters. The walk there becomes a jog as his desperation grows. He faces her metal door with newfound determination and just before he raps on the door, knots form in his stomach.

It’s silly, he realizes, to come knocking on her door at this ungodly hour to rectify a situation he barely has a grasp of. His fist drops from metal barrier, and he resolves to try tomorrow and walk away for the decency’s sake.

A sliding hiss and wide-eyed Rey greet him and he is startled by the action.

“Hi.” Rey offers.

“Hi, how did y—,”

“I sensed you through the door. I was awake.”

They are staring at each other with equally awkward expressions, both unsure of where to go from here. The doorway feels like the manifestation of the distance between them – invisible, tense. Rey breaks the silent battle and steps aside to allow him in.

She shuts the door and turns around, anxious of the confrontation to take place. Poe is looking around, observing and memorizing her room. She catches a small smile on him when he sees her desk covered with mechanical parts and grease-ridden blueprints.

“You’re room is just like mine. Although, I never pegged you as messy.” Poe jabs at her lightheartedly.

“Yeah I noticed that the first time I was in your room, too.”

Just like that, Rey recognizes her own stupidity. She had been so concerned over herself and how she would act around him that she forgot about how Poe would feel. There has always been this...ease with him, comfort. Even now in her closet of a room, it is all so normal.

“I’m sorry,” she utters, “sorry for avoiding you. I’ve been, um, preoccupied.”

Poe knows it’s just an excuse, that there’s more to it than her vague, unrehearsed apology. He is ready to push her more, to get the real reason hiding in her mind. When he is about to implore her for the more definitive reason, he sees the guilt resting on her features. His shoulders fall, all his resolution falling with them.

He moves towards her and takes her in his arms, her head fitting into the crook of his neck. The scent of damp wood and machine oil linger on her skin and decides that it suits her. Rey embodies the peace of the forest muddled with the grit of engine grease, and it’s intoxicating.

“Will you stay?” she mutters against his pulse.

Poe answers with a shrug of his jacket and he backs them into her meager single bed. It’s a tight fit, but they don’t mind at all.


	4. bourbon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your comments and kudos! It really means a lot and definitely propels me to keep writing. This chapter is a little heavier then the others I've written so far so let me know how it fares :)
> 
> -Val

Their first official mission together doesn’t go as planned.

This morning, General Organa had requested that Poe and Rey meet up with a contact of hers in Corellia to collect some supplies and any intelligence on First Order business. It seems simple enough, but they take the rest of Poe’s squadron with them anyways. Rey opts to take the Millennium Falcon and requests Chewbacca as a copilot to accompany her. Naturally, BB-8 tags along with Poe aboard his black X-wing.

* * *

 The voyage is uneventful. A monotonous blur of blindingly blue light swirling amongst the stretched stars as they plunge through hyperspace. It takes around four days for them to arrive at Corellia from D’Qar, so Rey spends the travel time training, learning how to play Dejarik from Chewie, and chatting with Poe over a private comm.

On this particular occasion, the jump out of hyperspace manages to induce Rey some mild light-headedness and Poe, being the expert star pilot he is, grants her with mock condescension.

“You okay there, Rey? Feeling sick?” Poe teases as she steps off the Falcon onto the grassy field.

“Very funny, Poe. Let a girl have a moment, will you?” Rey retorts, humoring him. She settles her nausea with a wave of the Force, instantly refreshing her senses.

Although she knows he is kidding, he gives her a quick look to silently ask her if she is really okay. Her smile is enough of an indication for Poe to continue pestering her with remarks like ‘ _I thought you said you were an experienced pilot_ ’ and she properly responds by shoving him with her shoulder.

When she laughs, Poe thinks it’s the solution to the torment lingering in his shadows. A ray of light, breaking through the tempest. BB-8’s chirps snap him out of his reverie and he instructs his squadron to remain on site with the ships while the rest of them proceed to the city to meet with the contacts.

They are heading toward the metropolis when Rey notices Poe is wearing his Resistance uniform rather than his typical orange flight suit. The jacket is a dark brown and around the waist is a leather belt. The Resistance emblem is pressed into the left breast of the coat. It’s structured, accentuating his broad shoulders and muscular build. Rey can’t help but find that she likes the man in a uniform.

Rey, Poe, Chewbacca and BB-8 make their way into the industrial city: a city brimming with both skyscrapers decorating the skyline and greenery covering the crevices in between. Rey can smell the oil in the air from what she assumes are factories.

“This place is incredible. I’ve never seen anything like it.” Wonder passes through her gaze and Chewbacca bellows in agreement.

“This city is primarily a hub for building starships. The General sends someone here every once in a while when we’re low on anything concerning ships and the like.” Poe informs. “We need to be careful though, there are a lot of First Order sympathizers here and it won’t be good to draw any unnecessary attention.”

BB-8 trails along side them, providing them with directions to the meeting point. Rey notes that Chewbacca’s posture seems more upright and his eyes are narrowed. He scans their surroundings, his hand hovering over his bowcaster.

They are weaving through a series of obscure alleyways rather than walking through the main corridors of the city. The aisles are narrow and the buildings tower over them, making it seem far darker than it is. There is a constant feeling of being watched, like something is looming over them. After what seems like forever, they finally arrive at a dead end garnished with decaying walls and trash. There doesn’t seem to be a door or any sort of entrance around them.

“Are you sure this is right Beebee-Ate?” Poe asks doubtfully.

BB-8 chirps and squeals while rotating his head to motion to a giant dumpster resting in the corner. Chewbacca looks around the rectangular mass and uncovers a rusted metal hatch behind it. Poe wrenches the metal door open, earning a groan from the old hinges.

A faint tune is coming through the opening and the smell of smoke and liquor wafts out as well.

Chewbacca lowers BB-8 first and gestures that Rey go next. She grabs ahold of the rusted ladder and ignores the concerning creaking while she climbs down. Poe follows shortly after closing the hatch before climbing down himself.

“Isn’t Chewie coming?”

“He said he’s going to stand guard up top just in case. Can’t be too careful.” Poe replies.

His face shifts into business mode, much like when they convene before a mission with General Organa and the other Resistance leaders. Rey and BB-8 follow Poe down a corridor masked with dust and dim light. The music builds louder and louder until they discover a canteen of sorts, filled with people and creatures from across the galaxy. There’s a bar, a band, and everyone seems to be engaging in gambling, drinking, or both.

“Stay close behind me.” Poe remarks firmly.

* * *

 

It’s crowded and staying close to him proves to be harder than she thought. Rey tries to stay in the separation he creates in the sea of people from where he is walking, although even that proves to be difficult. Thankfully, she is able to keep up until they find themselves in front of a red curtain, complete with a menacing guard beside it.

“We’re here to see Pax Zeezus.” Poe exudes an authority she doesn’t normally see. Rey reminds herself that Poe is more than just her friend; he is the head of the Starfighter Corps and the finest pilot in the Resistance. It’s easy to forget his position when you’ve been sharing nightmares.

After a long beat, the guard looks them both down and pushes the crimson veil over to allow them access. Inside is a small room adorned with lanterns and incense burning on a short table in the center of the space. Behind the table sits an elderly man cloaked in emerald robes with the hood obscuring the top half of his façade.

The atmosphere feels thick, uneasy. Poe and Rey stand side by side with BB-8 by the entrance. The man, Pax Zeezus she acknowledges, doesn’t move an inch. It seems wrong to sit or speak for some reason, so they stand in silence until Pax makes the first move.

“General Organa sent you I presume?” Pax croaks while waving his hand out to tell them to sit before him.

“Yes, sir.” Poe attempts to mask his apprehension, but it is clear he is wary. “She said you would have supplies and information for us.”

Rey feels out of place here. This is political and she has no experience with that. The nervousness of her first mission makes itself known to her, and her normal confidence is lacking. She resolves to just sit still and let Poe do all the talking.

“I don’t have supplies for you. You’ll have to go somewhere else for that. But I do have information if that is what you seek.”

“What do you have?” Poe urges.

Pax is oddly cryptic, and Rey doesn’t know if it’s the Force or just her gut, but something feels _off_. Despite the music blaring behind the curtain, it feels too quiet. Pax peels off his hood and raises cloudy eyes to meet hers.

“You, child.” Pax points at Rey, “The First Order is looking for you. You know the Force and they know you. Beware, they will come for you.”

Suddenly, Rey detects a ripple in the Force. An ominous aura surrounds her and Chewbacca comes bounding in. He roars urgently, signaling them that the First Order has arrived. 

“They’re here!” Rey yells and leaps over the table to clutch onto Pax’s collar. “Did you know they were already here?! Did you?!”

“We don’t have time for this, Rey! We need to get out of here!” Poe reaches for her and wrenches her off of the decrepit man. Chewie is still roaring, desperation leaking into his voice.

“He knows something, Poe, I can sense it!” Rey is begging him to let her figure this man out. She looks back to Pax, but he has vanished. She searches through the Force, but she can’t hone in on him in this place full of panicked souls. 

“Rey, let’s go! Now!”

She surrenders and lets him pull her away.

Back in the tavern, people are screaming as stormtroopers raid the area. Some are already dead while others hastily try to escape. Everyone is trampling over the other to flee, and blasters shake the room. 

Rey reaches for her lightsaber, but Poe stops her before she can and shakes his head.

“That’ll grab their attention. We need to be as stealthy as possible.” 

BB-8 beeps and chirps in alarm. They all heed its warning and keep moving forward despite the stress of the situation.

Poe rips his resistance coat off to look as inconspicuous as he can and decides the fasted course of action is to push straight through the crowd while doing their best to elude the stormtroopers. Somehow, they make it out of the bar and back into the long corridor – but not without attracting attention.

They sprint down the hallway, stormtroopers in pursuit, and at long last they reach the ladder to the hatch.

Wasting no time, Poe begins scaling the ladder and they all do the same. BB-8 extends its cables and pulls itself out of the hole. When they surface from the opening, they immediately bolt towards the landing site on the outskirts of the city.

“Jessika, this is Black Leader! Start your ships, now. We’ll be there soon and we need to withdraw immediately.” Poe patched into his comm. 

They tear through the alleys and back streets to avoid any conflict. Unfortunately, they encounter stormtroopers scoping out the area, probably looking for them. Chewbacca instantly fires his bowcaster, Poe elects to do the same with his blaster and Rey ignites her lightsaber. 

From there, each turn is an ambush of more soldiers. They keep it up for as long as possible, but it continues for ages. Each individual enemy isn’t a challenge, but there are just _so many_ of them. Rey utilizes the Force as much as she can, but she has never used it to this extent, and it takes a drastic toll on her body. There is only so much the three of them and a droid can do against an army.

Exhaustion set into her legs and her breath quickens into shallow gasps for oxygen. Rey permits a second to collect herself when a bolt from a blaster rips its way into her side.

A pained cry splits the air as the shot scorches her skin. She is bleeding on the innermost part of the wound, but the edges are cauterized and blackened from the heat. Her organs feel like they are boiling and burning all at once, and the pain overcomes her. Rey collapses into a heap against the metal wall of the building beside her.

“REY!” Poe howls. He races to her and gathers her against him. “Stay with me, Rey! You’ve got to stay awake.”

Terror shocks his body, paralyzing his bones and crushing his spirit. Sweat pools around Rey’s brow and the blood drains from her face, blanketing her features with death. A violent cough abruptly vacates her lungs and thick scarlet drips from her mouth. Poe is shaken from his dismay and he reluctantly applies pressure to her exposed wound. Sobs wrack her form and tears carve rivers into her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Bear with me, Rey. You’re going to be fine.” Poe assures himself more than her.

Chewbacca has been warding off as many foes as he can while Poe treats Rey, but he is overwhelmed. By luck of the draw, Poe’s squadron shows up as air support and takes out the enemy forces around them.

Jessika shouts through the comm, “We’ll take care of this! Get her back to the Falcon and leave! We’ll be right behind you.”

Chewbacca, as gently as possible, lifts Rey’s body into his arms and darts back to the Falcon. Poe sprints with them into the green pasture where their ships are.

“You take care of her, Chewie. BB-8, go with them and help them out on the journey back. Update me when you can.” Worry is etched into his visage, aging him a decade. Poe is frantic and unstable, and although he wants nothing more than to stay by Rey’s side, he knows he can’t right this moment.

Poe climbs into his dark starship, giving the request just before he takes off. The wookie nods and rushes into the Falcon with Rey and places her on the cot in the first chamber of the vessel. BB-8 whirls in and initiates its minute amount of medical protocol. There isn’t much it can do, but BB-8 does what is possible. Jessika, true to her word, catches up with them with the rest of the squadron outside the orbit of Corellia.

It is a miracle they make it out alive and mostly unscathed. They barely escape the enemy’s pursuits and descend back into hyperspace back to D’Qar.


	5. moonshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Poe-centric chapter this week! Read the notes at the end of the chapter please :)

_One Week Ago_

Chewbacca and Luke sit prostrate on rusty storage bins, which serve as makeshift chairs, outside the operating room Rey is currently in. Chewbacca is quiet and solemn, always one to wear his heart on his sleeve. Luke, far more in control of his emotions, appears to be meditating next to him. Poe wastes no time hiding his feelings. He paces up and down the hallway, unable to calm his nerves or alleviate any of his worry.

Rey has been in surgery for over 4 hours now and they haven’t gotten any news yet. All Poe can seem to imagine is her blood staining his fingers and her limp body cradled against his own.

In the midst of driving himself mad, General Organa and a med droid finally come out of the operating room. Leia’s face is somber, weariness playing with the lines around her eyes. Her hands clasp together tightly in front of her and before she even opens her mouth, Poe knows what she is going to say isn’t good.

“Her condition is stable,” Leia sighs, “for now.”

The mood in the hallway is tense, has been all day.

“What do you mean, _for now_?” Poe reacts. He has stopped pacing, now facing the General with his arms crossed over his chest and his desperation crippling his normally relaxed façade. 

“Poe, you have to understand, the trip back from Corellia took _four days_. Rey was injured and bleeding out in that ship for so long. We’re lucky she even managed to stay alive long enough to get back here.” 

“W-we didn’t have a choice -- there were First Order ships tailing us.” Poe stammers. “We couldn’t afford to stop at a closer star system for medical help without risking them catching up to us. I didn’t know what to do.” His guilt is eminent as the words spill from his mouth.

“This is the First Order’s fault, no one else’s. You did the best you could. Don’t blame yourself.”

Leia squeezes his shoulder, for assurance if nothing else, and continues to relay more information about Rey’s status.

“We believe she will recover, but we expect her coma to last for as least a week. It could be longer, we can’t be sure. Her wound was infected when she came in, but the treatments were administered in time before it could make any lasting damage on her body. You can find her in the same room as Finn later.”

Chewbacca stands from his seat and embraces Leia, addressing her with a gloomy rumble from his chest. Luke lifts his head and acknowledges Leia before she and the droid file out.

“Oh, before I go, Poe will you debrief me later? I need to know exactly what happened out there.”

And just like that, Leia becomes General Organa again. He nods in acquiescence and she continues on out. Poe glances back at the door to the surgical room, his chest tightening by the second.

It’s strange to think that even though only a wall separates Poe from Rey, he feels light-years away from her.

* * *

The medical wing is cold.

Poe knows this from visiting Finn, but it hadn’t felt as frigid back then. Back then seems like an exaggeration – it was only a week ago.

A week ago, Poe was sitting to Finn’s bedside with Rey curled up against him while they told Finn about nothing and everything. A week ago, Poe was simulating flights and having drinks with his squadron at the canteen. A week ago, Rey was sleeping next to him while traced shapes on the back of her hand.

Today, Rey lies motionless on a sterilized cot three feet away from Finn’s bed. 

Déjà vu invades his senses, claws at his memories and thrusts them into replay. The memory of Rey being rolled out of the Falcon on a stretcher is reminiscent of when they did the same to Finn after returning from Starkiller base. Chewbacca stood next to the Falcon’s ramp as Rey was rushed into surgery. It felt like he was stuck in a recurring nightmare, destined to fail to protect the ones close to him.

* * *

 

Poe settles back into a routine on the base.

Wake up. Eat breakfast. Train. Eat lunch. Train. Eat dinner. Visit Rey and Finn.

Repeat. 

The best thing he can do is go through the motions and hope one day it’ll be different. That something good will happen.

Days go by, then weeks, and suddenly it’s been a month.

It’s nice that General Organa had given Rey and Finn a shared room. It was slightly cramped, but it made the visits easier. He could tell them both about his day, as mundane as the days have gotten, and sit with them both. Some days, he takes his meals into their room instead of eating in the mess hall. He doesn’t have to plaster on a fake smile in the confines of these four walls and the relief is tremendous.

Finn looks more or less the same as he did when he first arrived. He has lost some weight, but as far as he could tell, he looks no different than if he were just sleeping.

Rey isn’t as fortunate. Her sunkissed skin has faded into a deathly pallor, paired with her now gaunt face and sunken eyes. The light she usually radiates has dulled and Poe wishes he could see the stars in her eyes again.

Before all of this, Poe always saw Rey with her hair up. Years in the desert had molded her into a woman of practicality. Even when they climbed into bed, she seemed most comfortable when she left her hair up in her signature three-buns. Seeing her hair splayed out across the pillow undone stirred something in him. 

It felt like an understatement to call her beautiful. Her beauty was subtle, but staggering nonetheless. Her charm lies in her strength, her humility, her childlike wonder. Jakku should have hardened her, but she kept an air of hope around her. She was so _kind._ He never tired of her grace.

It was unsettling to see her like this then, so helpless and frail.

The nights treat him with an agonizing isolation he hadn’t felt before.

Every night is the same. He downs whatever liquor he can get his hands on to lull him into a drunken slumber. He tosses and turns, unable to find rest. Once the insomnia relents, the nightmares crowd in. What were once just visions of Kylo Ren unspooling his mind have now warped into haunting dreams of Rey dying in his arms, Poe unable to stop it. He is shocked awake by the images and then reminded that there is no one next to him to chase the fear away.

Poe is stuck in a loop.

* * *

 

Luke visits Rey, on occasion. It’s never when Poe is there and that is probably on purpose.

The one time he catches Luke visiting her, it’s before dawn. Poe can’t get back to sleep after a particularly jarring nightmare and he figures he can sit in the med bay with Rey and Finn until the day starts. Upon entering the room, he is surprised to see Luke sitting beside Rey, talking to her.

“Now that you’re in here and not training with me, I have been using the spare time to scout out Force-sensitives in the galaxy. I haven’t come by much, but there is a fluctuation here and there. It’s not really the right time to start training more Jedi, and I don’t know if I’m up to leading again, but perhaps when you’re ready we can do something about it.”

“I’m just leaving now, Poe. You can have the room.” Luke stands to leave and pats down his robes.

Luke is a daunting person to talk to, being the legend that he is. Poe has vague memories of Luke talking to his parents when he was younger, but other than that Luke is nothing short of an enigma. For some reason, it warms his heart to know Rey and Luke have each other as master and protégé, as parallel souls in the galaxy, and as friends.

* * *

 

After two months of watching her lay dormant in a comatose, Poe accepts a mission to Takodana. When Poe debriefed General Organa about the events at Corellia, she decided she needed more intel. With Takodana being the most neutral place in the galaxy at the moment, they figure it would not only be the planet with the most information (from refugees, mercenaries, spies and the like), it would also be least risky option.

She can see his obvious reluctance to leave, but it doesn’t stop her from urging him onward.

“She’ll be here when you get back. It’ll be good for you to get some time away from the base.” General Organa remarks. “We all miss her, Poe.” she presses. “Come on, Chewie is waiting for you.” 

He doesn’t reply with words, just a curt nod of assent.

Chewbacca is already inside the ship ready to take off when Poe arrives with BB-8. It’s his first time piloting the Millennium Falcon and although he hasn’t been in the best of spirits, his hands are itching to fly this relic.

The inside is how he imagined it: old-fashioned, beat up and a little worse for wear. Poe does his best to ignore the remnants of Rey’s blood on the cushions of the booth around the Dejarik board.

He seats himself in the Pilot’s chair, excitement coursing through his veins.

“Alright, Beebee-Ate, hold on.” Poe commands as he grasps at the controls. The feeling of gliding through the air, the slight dip in his stomach as the ship leaves the ground, the familiarity of it all puts him at ease.

Once they are set into hyperdrive, Poe explores the rest of the ship. He had only been around the ship a handful of times, and he had never actually been _inside._ Usually, Rey would be tinkering with a circuit or repairing some other miscellaneous part while he sat outside and kept her company. They’d exchange a few words, but it was usually just a matter of being close to each other.

Now that he is actually on the legendary ship, he takes the time to examine every nook and cranny. There are loose wires everywhere, tape placed in bizarre ways and several unmistakable blaster burns along some of the inner walls. It’s no wonder Rey spends her days here; it emanates home.

“I’ll hold down the fort until you wake, Rey.” Poe smiles to himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided to change the name of this fic to "The Monsters We Keep." I didn't want any of you guys to be confused when you suddenly can't find "a little liquid courage never hurt. So when the next chapter comes out, look out for that! 
> 
> -Val


	6. cabernet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys, fluff. so much fluff. 
> 
> also, i am probably not going to change the name of this fic. I'm sorry for being so fickle and for confusing you <3 
> 
> -Val

The first thing she feels is a throbbing ache in her side. 

The dull pain pulses out of her ribcage, demanding all of her attention. Her other senses fade in gradually. She notices the temperature next and it’s _freezing_. Then, a tingling sensation runs its way from her fingertips to her spine, the same coming from her toes shortly after. Her mind and her body feel disconnected, like somehow there is an actual, physical distance between the two. It could be minutes or it could be years, but her senses eventually come together with her body and she is hyperaware of it when it happens.

When she does finally gain some semblance of control over herself, she wills herself to open her eyes. The effort is tremendous and it feels unnatural. Her eyelids crack slightly, just enough for speckles of white to leak through her eyelashes. After a few more moments, Rey presses her lids together once more before opening them completely, allowing light to flood her vision.

It’s blinding, disorienting even. She can’t even make out shadows or shapes yet, just a white haze drowning out everything else. There are tiny, iridescent spots that begin to speckle the haze. She hears beeps in regular intervals. It sounds like a monitor of some sort.

Her vision focuses and Rey instantly becomes conscious of her surroundings. She knows this ceiling, having woken up to it several times before when visiting Finn. The knowledge shocks her into realization – she must be in the med bay.

She cranes her neck to the right, first seeing the hanging drip attached to her arm and just beyond that, Finn, lying in his bed as usual. She’s in his room, bedridden as well, and she feels like she weighs as heavy as a bantha.

Panic sets in next. She’s in a hospital room feeling worse for wear, bleary-eyed and her gut tells her she has been asleep for a while. Despite the sleep, she is exhausted.

If she thinks long enough, Rey can vaguely remember being chased in Corellia, surrounded by stormtroopers. She wracks her mind for more, for something to explain how she got here, but she comes up with nothing. Her breaths get shorter, signaling her distress. 

_Inhale. Exhale._

Something must have notified the droids of her awakening because suddenly there are they are all around her, probing her, making beeps and toots of excitement.

Rey exerts all her effort into her forearms to push herself upwards into a sitting position. The droids try to assure her to stay down, to _relax._  

“T-that’s okay. I’m fine, really,” Rey rasps out, her throat sore from disuse.

A sharp pain shoots from her side and she winces from the shock. She slides the thin blanket off her torso and applies pressure to the side of her waist and flashes of being shot run through her mind. Rey peels back her medically issued shirt and flinches at the scar marring her oblique.

“We grafted what we could, but we couldn’t completely prevent the scar. It _is_ healed, though.”

Rey snaps her neck up and is greeted by General Organa. She’s grinning, but not without that smug look that’s always in her eyes.

“It’s good to see you -- awake that is,” General Organa jokes.

“Hi,” Rey manages.

The familiar face appears to alleviate some of Rey’s panic. Leia, not the _General,_ strides to the side of her cot and squeezes her hands.

“Oh dear, your hands are like ice,”

“Well, that’s what happens when you’re asleep for a long time,” Rey quips.

Leia’s eyes widen a little before they squint into half-moons, adorned with laugh lines.

“Did the Force reveal that to you?” Leia asks, amusement in her voice.

“Maybe. I also saw Finn over there and figured that I’m probably in a similar state if I’m in the same cramped room as him.”

Word must have spread quickly considering the amount of people appearing outside the room. Rey can see them through the glass walls, all with excited expressions on their faces. She scans the crowd and picks out Jessika, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. There are a few of the mechanics she works with whenever she’s tinkering with Falcon in the hangar and a couple of other people she recognizes from being around the base. R2-D2 is chirping, its small lights blinking on and off to show his excitement. C3PO looks like he’s bullying R2, as usual, but he looks joyful, too. Chewbacca isn’t in the swarm of people, and neither is the man she’s truly looking for. She searches and searches, unable to find him.

However, she does recognize a familiar mop of grey hair approaching the doorway. Master Luke, with his weathered face and scraggly beard, enters with a genuinely gleeful grin. He strides in, coming to stand next to Leia, and touches his mechanical hand to Rey’s shoulder.

“I can say I’m truly delighted to see you up, Rey. We’ve missed you,” Luke chuckles after the statement. He appears to have a more relaxed demeanor than what she normally sees.

“Thanks,” Rey laughs nervously.

Everyone is looking at her with this wondrous expression and no one is conversing anymore. It’s awkward, to say in the least, to have everyone outside watching this whole exchange. Leia, observing her discomfort, steps outside and shoos the bystanders away with promises of being able to visit later.

“Is, um, Poe around? Is he okay? I just remember getting shot and he was there and it’s all black after that.”

“He’s fine, Rey. Chewie and Poe are the reason you’re alive. You’ve been asleep for just two months and he was waiting here everyday for you to wake up. Leia sent him and Chewie on a small recon mission just yesterday.”

Rey is shocked at the amount of time she’s been out of commission. She imagines Poe coming in everyday, planting himself between her and Finn. She thinks it would be just like when she and Poe would visit Finn: meals and stories over an unresponsive body. It must have been lonely.

“I see.” She doesn’t mean to be disappointed, but she is nonetheless.

“He wanted to be here, Rey. He did,” she assures her, “I literally had to force him to leave,” Leia remarks whilst leaning against the frame of the door.

Rey perks up at that, her mouth tilting up at the image of Poe being shoved onto the Falcon by the general.

“He’ll be back soon, don’t worry. I’ll be sure to let him know you woke up.”

Rey bites her bottom lip and offers Leia a tight nod in response, trying her best to mask her disappointment.

“In the meantime, get some more rest. I want to see you training again soon.” Luke says offhandedly.

They leave her in the dull room, Finn still unconscious a few feet awat from her, and Rey discovers she knows this feeling well.

Waiting. She is back to waiting.

* * *

Poe sits in the cabin, reading over some files on his holobook. BB-8 is in low-power mode, tucked into the corner of the room. Chewbacca has been organizing crates and other items in one of the ship’s holds for the past couple of hours. The trip has been uneventful, so far. They have been in hyperdrive for a little over a day now and they plan to arrive in Takodana in another day or so.

The material on the holobook is dry at best and Poe slips in and out of sleep, only jerked awake when his head bobs toward his chest. Static buzzes out of his comlink and Poe lazily flicks on the transmission to respond.

“This is Commander Dameron,” he drones.

“Commander, this is General Organa speaking.”

Poe snaps up at this and quickly composes himself. He clears his throat and runs his hands though his curls even though she couldn’t possibly see his state of dishevelment.

“Yes, General. What can I do for you?”

“Relax, this isn’t related to your mission. I’m just calling to let you know Rey has woken up.”

Tension fills his shoulders and Poe almost drops the comlink. He releases a breath and his body eases up. It dawns on him that he wasn’t there when she woke and his heart breaks a little.

“How is she?”

The general sighs, “She’s a little shaken up, but she’s taking it better than most would. She asked for you.” Leia reveals.

Poe is happier than he is worried, even though Rey is probably confused and unsettled with the whole situation. He envisions her hazel orbs, glossed over from months of sleep. He thinks about her brown tresses, cascading over her shoulders and her wide smile, accompanied by her dimples. He wishes he could have seen her.

But he knows his duty.

He wants nothing more than to halt their journey and race back to her. He’s shaking, he notices, when he accepts that he has a task to finish. He’s Poe Dameron, Commander and and the best damn pilot in the resistance. He’s a man on a mission.

“Tell her I’ll be back soon.”

“Will do, Commander. See you soon.”

He hears the disconnecting buzz and the line goes quiet.

* * *

Rey is back on her feet four days later.

They expected it to take longer, but not because she was injured. Other than some pretty severe soreness, she was fully healed. The issue was that she hadn’t moved, let alone walked, in months. Her muscles had atrophied and her coordination was basically nonexistent.

But Rey is stubborn and on the day she woke she _decides_ to walk. Being the way she is, Rey ignores all protests and pleas for her to rest more. It doesn’t go so well, to no one’s surprise. She knocks her knees together in an effort to remain balanced, only to slip and fall right on her ass. Her attempts mimic that of a toddler learning to walk. She doesn’t let it discourage her, of course.

A couple more days and a few bruises later, Rey takes her first steps.

It’s ironic, really. She’s the hope of the galaxy, Rey the next Jedi, padawan of the legendary Luke Skywalker. And yet, here she is, panting after a few measly paces on the cement floor.

Luke scolds her for rushing her recovery, to which she argues that she spent _two whole months recovering_ and that she is just preparing to train again. He quirks his eyebrows at her backtalk, but he acknowledges that he was much the same when he was training with Yoda.

Naïve.

Bold.

_Impatient._

He would have thought that with all her waiting on Jakku, she would know a thing or two about patience. It turns out that it doesn't translate well into her training, much like Luke before her and Anakin before him. So Luke lets her overeager tendencies slide on account of the fact that Rey is also dedicated and kind; he admires her resolve.

She almost cries when she successfully walks around the room one whole time without tripping over her toes. Rey grabs Finn’s wrist and turns it over to give it a high-five and giggles in excitement over her progress.

That’s how Poe finds her: laughing to herself, unaware of him staring at her in awe.

When she does finally sense him, she drops Finn’s hand and twists herself around to face him. The movement is too sudden and dizziness blurs her sight. Rey presses a hand to her head and her other hand clutches the railing of Finn’s bed to keep her from falling.

But Poe already has his arms around her, his face buried into her hair, before she could collapse. She doesn’t seem real, but she is. She smells like disinfectant and stale air instead of grime and grit. He misses it. He misses it like he missed the earth on her skin, the sweat on her brow and the stars in her eyes.

He missed _her._

She has let go of Finn’s bedframe now, clutching onto him instead.

“You’re back,” Rey whispers.

“Shouldn’t I be saying that?” Poe teases.

“Perhaps.”

Poe knows she’s aware of what he’s feeling, that she can perceive his thoughts if she wants to. He doesn’t mind.

He pulls back from her and pushes a stray strand of hair behind her ear. His gaze is intense and Rey can tell he’s battling with himself over something. Rey hones in on his emotions and her heart gets stuck in her throat once she has caught onto his thought.

“Do it.”

They meet each other’s eyes, anticipation boiling over for the both of them. His forehead presses against hers and his eyes start to shut. Rey’s own eyes flutter close and his nose brushes against her own. They are _so close_. Their breaths mingle together, ghosting over their lips.

The first kiss is barely one at all. It’s chaste and tentative, both of their nerves evident in their hesitation. Poe opens his eyes and regards her reaction, full on beaming when she pushes up on her tiptoes.

The second kiss holds more passion than the first. He kisses her with more fervor and eagerness and she does the same. His hands rest on the small of her back, pressing her closer to him. She tugs at his bottom lip, urging him forward. Poe takes her invitation and teases his tongue along the line of her lips. Her mouth opens to allow him in and she moans at the connection.

They break apart, mostly because they require oxygen to live, and Rey settles back onto her heels. Her hands are still clasped together behind his neck and his hands trail from her elbows to her wrists. Their breathing evens out and Poe finally lets out a hearty laugh.

“I can’t believe I waited so long to do that,” Poe divulges.

Poe moves to let go of her, but she tightens her hands on his shoulders.

“Don’t,” Rey reacts, “I might fall if you let go.”

Rey’s cheeks are flushed in both embarrassment and exasperation and Poe’s heart swells at her admission.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading this work! i know this fic could probably be longer and explore more of their relationship, but if I decide to continue it then I will publish this as a series instead. I have so many more Damerey ideas and fics in store and I really want to dedicate myself to them. 
> 
> xoxo
> 
> val


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